I posted this on facebook before David and I were in relationship. It is worth a post here!
by Leisha Naja on Friday, July 30, 2010 at 8:12am
Morning Outlaw Poet!...
....here is a morning Muse to follow and answer your question of me about creating a sacred space (retreat location) for others! This place is kindred space! This sharing a personal muse. Land of scared healing only flows from the intricate nature and naturalness of one's soul and spirit! As the apex of creation, it flows from our own manifestations and internal conversations.
I am sharing this publically as I felt compelled to put it out there and not contain this conversation between you and I. I will give you an encapsulation of my humble discovery up to this point about creating a healing retreat space for others. The land only responds to you! It is your journey that will manifest the flow and movement of it's created art. I extend these words so they can vibrate as they need to in your life and story, mine and anyone else who finds themselves reading this. I welcome response too, because in sharing we will all grow and discover new paths to old dreams.
Sort of a bit of background... my parents are gypsy-like so as a young child, we lived all over the world never digging in deep roots. But, this was for the purpose of recognizing that the bonding of the heart has a stronger, deeper root system than a shelter we call home. I married young and to a beautiful soul whose life path detoured in and around the halls of addiction. I stayed with this man for 25 years in the cosmic co-dependency dance. I am forever grateful for his presence and dance with me and my experience in these sacred moments of dazzling determination!
After a very intense experience in South Africa (a type of mission) over 15 years ago, I return to Canada with a fire-ball in my heart that kept scorching my views and opinions of western living. At this point, the co-dependent energy in me was successfully running 3 business and managing investment properties. I was barely 30. The SA experience gave me the courage to walk away from this life and within 3 months everything had changed - no business, no investments and a dumping into a property with no source of income. Scary and liberating! Deeo the bush called Muskoka I named this property WildFLower (The Place of Beatitudes) where I began building a "place" without any idea of what was being asked of me. Sometimes you just do things with the spaz energy, without question or thought. You just know!
Onward was my discovery of self-sufficiency and I began to learn how to work with the land for survival (Thoreau energy) ....cooperate with the land for beauty (Anastasia energy) and then open that space for others. In came the plants and animals for food. In came the lessons of living off the land. I fell in love with wild gardens and the unique and joyful personality each plant offers it's space. We setup 22 beds and opened to the possibilities of allowing whomever to be a part of it. We became a retreat/shelter/hostel and place of party. I found myself in the middle of many worlds, the religious fervor of saving souls, the bartenders energy of ann landers and the martyrdom of giving so much your spirit gets sucked dry. This all sounds negative, but, trust me my friend, these are blessed lessons. Many characters came through...most whose distraught and angry energy became my intimate friend. I learnt that many people will use and abuse goodness in a survival mode and the lesson is to not get caught up in it. Learning to love regardless and anyhow was a deep, drawing lesson. The concept of equality, fairness the "damn it I am right" or "I deserve" energy was really spinning. People will latch on a draw your energy. Mother Theresa says "give any way" because when you are truly empty you can be truly filled up. But, this isn't easy to learn....it is a hard road to meet this lady of absolute giving. She is a woman with a scorn who will offer you a delicious food for your soul!
(Actually, I am returning to this place this weekend as my sister is getting married and she currently holds the space as her home.)
Allow me back up a bit! At this space we organized hosted retreats, started to generate income renting rooms, and found the local emergency shelter relied on our beds as overflow. The characters that came were from all walks of life; colorful, ragged, rough and edgy! Much circulating rebel energy! There was a blending of characters that often was quite explosive as we all tried to mesh our stories and existence. I also started to work for Survivorman (Les Stroud) so his gift of land survival was being absorbed too. I became obsessed and in love with plants and living entities - a bit of a wild crazy woman always covered in dirt and desiring to tantilizingly taste the fruits of the land. It was sensuous and sensual in all aspects of knowing. But, few understood this crazy obsession. I came to hear whispers of the soul-talk from the plants and insects communicating their messages of crazy divine love .... very few can hear these voices and so there was little I could do but stay open. You do not hear this with the formation of words.... it is a voice without dialogue that dances somewhere in and around you. It can not be articulated. Perhaps not too wise to share this with too many people... (she says as she puts it out on facebook - lol) They have places for crazy people ya know! But once you tap into this sound, it is an insanely beautiful song that can not be disguised with any amount of intelligence or decent rationality. It is crazy, crazy crazy! (Although, there is science now to validate the sacred language of plants and the art of homeopathy that portrays this painting too)
That catapulted an official studying blast off into the world natural health and healing, ayurveda, ancient religions/ wisdoms/ herbs/ homeopathy/ wild foods/ living foods / spiritual nourishment ..... a deep thirst to remember those lifetimes of past and send it out into this lifetime. It was an intense period of study where I learnt that healing through self-sufficiency and education is perhaps the only way to truly affect/effect another's journey. Empowerment is the strongest tool on a healers belt. All of this is a full time job with a life-term learning curve .... that is it bloody hard work. I learnt that self-sufficiency is a communal act and not meant to be endeavoured individually. Survival "alone" is a difficult path that carries the spirit of maddness. I learnt that people are thirsty for a space to heal, learn, discover....but they can't name that thirst and they seek, seek, seek the source to quench the unquenchable.
But, my husband grew weary and began to communicate a deep disdain for my journey. He really wanted out of this lifestyle and (as I know now), away from my journey towards this devouring, drawing dream. His words communicated that the world he lived in was colored with MY picture and my picture alone. And, he was absolutely right! His passive nature hadn't created much in the physical landscape of our living. And, that is okay!
And, after 10 years in Muskoka, we moved to another location to medicate a geographical cure. Can't stop the spirit though and once again, I began building and creating and moving with the land. I have a 25 acre property with over 2 acres of garden food and medicine. I operate a little healing centre out of an 1874 old Church. I have carved pathways through the forest and sacred spaces for natural conversations. The journey still continues (vortexing) as I discover the art of healing and blend it with the tools I have on my belt. This journey is now leaving the cultivation of the garden and entering the wild spaces. Wilderness has a louder, bolder voice! The comical side of it is that a geographical move will not temper the movement of the soul's purpose...no matter where I am, I will create cause that is the melody of my soul.
There are many beautiful spaces of retreat in this world many of them are glamorous in nature and expensive on the pocket. I sense your place will be grounded in the soul of the land and not meant to generate the dollar as such. All things should be balanced so the exchange of energy between what you give and what your receive is equalized, but focussing intent on financial gain smears the wildness, wilderness of such an endevour. Money should never be the motivator of such an task! It is only a residual gift!
I think the space you have, itself, alone, will answer to the truth of its' purpose.....and in your in heart your will know how it wants to present itself to others and what it will receive in return. Sitting in contemplation is gate to opening this purpose. If the pure intention is present, the land will respond. This intention needs to be intimately communicated to you and your being. It needs a channel to work through you. It is a matter of meeting that space Tim....spending time there...and talking to the seemingly lowliest weed and hugging the grandest tree. It is about finding stone and placing in your mouth to feel it's character with your tongue. It is eating, living, drinking, dancing, defectating, touching, smelling, singing, listening, and seeing with your land....becoming ONE with it. It is a matter of walking barefoot to send your spirit into the soil so the dirt can respond in kind to your soul. Once you connect to this world, it will offer you all the assistance you need. It will reveal the locations for the shelters, the winding paths, the meeting places, the firepit, the sacred healing spots, and where the gardens should be grown. It will cooperate with you! It's language will be revealed. Consider a living hedge surrounding the area as a natural means to protect the souls who visit - this will contain the love while they are there. Consider an ancient labyrinth walk. Consider the healing rocks and their placement for a flow of energies. Consider the 5 elements and how they will dance their purpose into the picture you are creating. Bring in all elements in equal portions. I suppose, I know, once you intimately know each part of and parcel of the land you love, once you establish a relationship with each particle of presence, they will form into the dream in your heart. I know this! It is true!
For me, I will be a wanderer for a while. There is rumblings that I may have to bid fair-well to my current space of love. This is part of the process and I accept it with gratitude. I know one day, I find my true home where the black fly, the berries and the bears - the entire movement of the land will melt into my heart. I hope this sharing has inspired you some! If you feel it Tim, then be a part of it. It will form from the intentions of your heart and soul.
Much love
Leisha - Naja with little wings.
Sorry I got carried away in the breeze of this question and followed a prompting for self-refection. Thank you for that!!!!!!
The day I arrived, someone shared with me a loving warning ~ “your ‘stuff’ will show up…deal with it…or this valley will spit you out”. The Valley Spirit has no interest in masks or fakes ….it will open you up completely naked and vulnerable…fast and furious! There are no secrets here…there is no place to run and hide. It is like you are transparent and nude. And, the experience is spinning faster than I have ever experienced.
I am scared!
When you lose all sense of self